So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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