see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
