franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
