He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
