apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
