Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
