Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
