Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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