i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
