I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
