You work out of a Hotel?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
