dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
