He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
