I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you had me at cake vodka
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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