she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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