The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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