I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
we're so committed to being not committed
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
