i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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