Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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