one might say we're banned from that church
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She bit a glass in half.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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