If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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