I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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