i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
