took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
