My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
