I think I won the penis lottery.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
