Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
