i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
