I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
