i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
