How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
