I think my fart just growled at me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
