fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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