Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
