dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
