my shit smells like andre
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
