I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
