The maid of honor just puked.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
