I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
