im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
