omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think people are normalizing furries
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
