it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
