I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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