last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
