I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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