DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh god it's open bar.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
