Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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