Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
