Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
