My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
