i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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