Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
