She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
