So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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