I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
they need to just BURY HIM!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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