I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
