I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
